Monthly Archives: December 2012

A Crumby Christmas that Ended with a Fantabulous Dragon

Vacuum the hall with the Dyson cleaner, fa la la la la la, la la la la, tis the time to try and get leaner, fa la la la la, la la la la. So that was Christmas. Did I enjoy the leap from pre-Christmas to after Christmas? Well, read on and find out. Christmas Eve started with the line for the seafood—an Aussie thing as it’s hot here at Christmas. My thirty minutes in the line wasn’t so bad, though, as I had my iPod and Twitter to keep me amused. I don’t think I bothered anyone too much with my dance moves, well not until I smacked the guy in front of me with a flailing arm at which point one of the bouncers on the door gave me a warning (ok, I might be exaggerating just a little, but there were bouncers, hence the need for me to treat it as if it were a nightclub).

The line

The line

So, having survived buying the seafood, I moved on from Christmas Eve to Christmas morning, which I spent mopping and vacuuming, bleaching the toilet blah, blah, blah, only to have the place dirtied within five minutes of people arriving, as crackers were munched and crumbs fell, peppering my carpet like cat litter at a demented cat-lady’s house. After I scooted around on the floor picking up the bits, while other crumbs rained down on my head from ignorant family members, I managed to get lunch on the table. Everyone ate their weight in seafood and ham, and following Newton’s law of no action without an equal and something-or-other reaction, I’ve put on a couple of kilos. One of the culprits of my increased buxomness was the staple of Aussie cakes, the pavlova—or, as we like to call it, the pav (see below and try not to drool).

The Pav

The Pav

 

After the family rolled to their cars, and the kids were in bed, I opened my present from one of the most awesome friends I’ve made on Twitter. This person wants to remain anonymous, but I say thank you all the same. I was gifted with a handmade t-shirt of one of my favourite books of all time. Can you guess? Ok, I’ll tell you. It’s Shadows of the Realm, my best-selling (ok semi-best-selling) fantasy book with dragons (I have to put in those words for the SEO, you know how it is). Behold me in all my dragon covered glory…

Me looking snazzy in my book cover

Me looking snazzy in my book cover

But, alas, today the pav is all gone, the crumbs have been banished and the diet has started. I did enjoy Christmas and look forward to doing it all again next year. I want to wish everyone an awesome year for 2013 and thanks for visiting my blog :).

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The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty: Someone Please Spank the Author

This book was our Club Fantasci book of the month in November, and it’s written by Anne Rice. What a waste of time that was. You can read my cohosts’ reviews and see the video of our discussion at the Club Fantasci website. With such limited time for reading, I’d advise you to skip this one, it was, well, read on…

This is erotica? If you liked getting spanked, over and over and over and over, (yawn), you’ll love this book. It has a plethora of paddles, red bottoms and erections, but a lack of characters with a brain.

Sleeping Beauty was kidnapped (although her parents let her go, knowing what was going to happen – idiots), taken to a distant kingdom of fetishist spanking people, who paddled her behind every day until it was red-raw. One of her male counterparts, a prince from another land, who was also taken for this purpose, was not only beaten, but repeatedly raped to the point, in the real world, of death. How is this sexy? Ok, so there’s a few tantalizing descriptions of genitals glistening etc but generally I wanted to step into the book, seize Beauty’s mind and escape so I could go home, gather my army and return to the spanking kingdom to kill every last noble.

This book was unrealistic, repetitive to the point of boredom, and I didn’t particularly like any of the characters. The ‘good’ characters need to grow a backbone and brain and the ‘bad’ characters are just an appendage joined to a spanking paddle.

The only redeeming feature of the book was the last page, where something actually happened and I wondered what would happen next; oh and there were no typos. Seriously, don’t bother.

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Dionne Lister - Author

Like lots of you out there, I love watching movies.  I love funny films, drama, quirky, action – you name it, I’ll watch it, however, there are instances in a lot of movies where I cringe and think, ‘Not again.  Why, oh why is this happening?  Please stop, now!”  Here are my top moments in films where I want to slap the director about the head and scream.

5.  Maybe it’s just me, but why does the gorgeous, twenty something woman with a hot body, awesome personality and face to die for, always fall in love with the fat/old/bald/emotionally retarded guy who was a loser but manages to win her anyway, thus making him into a wonder guy.  Is this reality?  The majority of times, in reality, this only happens if the guy is rich or famous (or both), period.

4.  I love a good gunfight, but in some films…

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Tweep Nation Rocks the Depend now We’re LIVE

tweeplogofinal

Ok, you can say it: Dionne’s been lazy. I’m sorry but I’ve been so busy I didn’t post last week’s awesome Tweep Nation Podcast on my blog *holds hand out for a smack* (I originally typed ‘for smack’ but that just sounded wrong). Anyway, last week, episode 44, we entertained author Jason McIntyre. He was so cool (loved the Canadian accent) and he was super obliging and married Bobbi Jo on air with Amber officiating in her reverend capacity. Unfortunately Bobbi Jo had to leave when her dealer came to the door.

This week was our third live-streamed show, and Dance on Fire author, Jimmy Garcia, agreed to be our victim. His second book has recently been released, Flash Point, and has a super interesting premise. You should check it out :). He was patient and listened while Amber and I talked sex drive, spooky whistling and what constitutes being a slut. Oh dear, will we ever behave? (I think not, so don’t hold your breath).

You can listen on all the usual places (iTunes, stitcher and Newbiewriters) or you can join us live, at the time of our demise, every week—Friday night US time, Saturday morning Aus time. If you join the live chatroom we can see your comments in real time. We’d love to see you there cause it rocks! Look out for times on @TweepNation1 as we’ll update it every week (as times can change) :).

 

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