Tag Archives: Twitter

Twitter Idiots at it Again — Somebody Save Me!

Hello peeps. Today I’m giving birth to a blog post about Twitter born out of frustration. I know there’s a million of these posts out there, but obviously there aren’t enough because idiots keep being stupid. Yes, I know it’s an idiot’s job to be stupid, but can’t you please be a little less stupid even if it’s only sometimes? You are doing my head in! This morning, one of these idiots who works for none other than Morons Incorporated, tweeted me. How is that offensive, you might ask? I’ll break it down and you can decide for yourselves.

The background on our relationship:

  • I had never met this person before
  • He wasn’t following me
  • I wasn’t following him
  • He has never RT’d me or said hello

What could he possibly tweet me that inspired me to do a blog post? This:

Please help promote my novel: XXX (I don’t want to promote his book) on Amazon Kindle.

Which he had apparently been directly tweeting everyone else non-stop. That’s all this guy tweets, and it’s known as SPAM (in case I haven’t been clear). After receiving my reply — Are you serious? I don’t know you, we don’t follow each other. You need to learn some manners & how to use Twitter #notcool — he actually managed to tweet an original tweet: one of his first ever!  What I need is compassionate and understanding fellow authors who are willing to help eachother. Thanks, anyway.

My heart bleeds for you, it really does. Someone hand me a tissue before I drown in tears.

I had to reply, of course: I help authors who get to know me before they ask for favours. There are ways to do things — not that he will ever get it. I think he’s been working at Morons Incorporated far too long.

It’s been said before, and I’ll say it again: get to know people on Twitter before you ask for favours, or RT them, they may just RT you back. Pretend that it’s like real life and you actually have to be polite to someone and not think the world owes you favours left, right and centre. When you do it as this guy did, you just shit people and then they have to waste time doing blog posts about how much you shit them, and then they report you for spam 🙂 (that smile represents the satisfaction I felt doing that this morning). Ok, I think it’s out of my system. So, if you see anyone on Twitter who is from Morons Incorporated, maybe tell them to visit my blog so they can receive some good advice. They probably won’t take it, but we’ll all feel better that they’ve at least been told.

Well, that’s it for me, I need chocolate. Ciao :).

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Tweep Nation Rocks the Depend now We’re LIVE

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Ok, you can say it: Dionne’s been lazy. I’m sorry but I’ve been so busy I didn’t post last week’s awesome Tweep Nation Podcast on my blog *holds hand out for a smack* (I originally typed ‘for smack’ but that just sounded wrong). Anyway, last week, episode 44, we entertained author Jason McIntyre. He was so cool (loved the Canadian accent) and he was super obliging and married Bobbi Jo on air with Amber officiating in her reverend capacity. Unfortunately Bobbi Jo had to leave when her dealer came to the door.

This week was our third live-streamed show, and Dance on Fire author, Jimmy Garcia, agreed to be our victim. His second book has recently been released, Flash Point, and has a super interesting premise. You should check it out :). He was patient and listened while Amber and I talked sex drive, spooky whistling and what constitutes being a slut. Oh dear, will we ever behave? (I think not, so don’t hold your breath).

You can listen on all the usual places (iTunes, stitcher and Newbiewriters) or you can join us live, at the time of our demise, every week—Friday night US time, Saturday morning Aus time. If you join the live chatroom we can see your comments in real time. We’d love to see you there cause it rocks! Look out for times on @TweepNation1 as we’ll update it every week (as times can change) :).

 

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Get Your Trenchcoats—Amber & Dionne go Live with Damien

This week we went live! That’s right, we had a live audience. Our guest was Newbiewriter host and host of the awesome Newbiewriters website, Damien. Damien’s doing Movember, so support him if you can, he also has a wicked sense of humour and we covered interesting topics such as neighbours having affairs, to, what if people were built like octopi, and how to make pitching your book easy, which may or may not involve bringing a mask to the interview. It was loads of fun to address our listeners’ comments as they typed in the chat room, so thank for joining us (you awesome peeps know who you are). Lucky for everyone else, it is recorded and available at the usual places: itunes, newbiewriters and stitcher. Enjoy episode 43!

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Amber gets Clicky with Dionne & Michelle’s Blobs

Our uber awesome guest today was author, Michelle Franco. She has been a long-time Twitter friend of Amber & I and has appeared on Tweep Nation once before. Michelle writes zombie stories and has two books out, her latest is Where Will You Hide. She was very patient while Amber clicked her mouse like there was no tomorrow: I, on the other hand, was ready to send Amber to podcast heaven. She really knows how to push my buttons. Gee, how did I manage to write so many cliches into one blog post? It’s skill I suppose. Join the Tweep Nation podcast for hysterics, hysterectomies and histrionics and occasionally you may hear something intelligent between the swear words.

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Tweep Nation – Amber Tells Dionne the Naked Truth

Hey Everyone! This week our wonderful guest, author Michelle Franco, went AWOL. The gorgeous lady thought the podcast was the day after, but never mind, we’re hauling her arse back on next week. In the meantime, to fill the void, Amber told me about her most embarrassing moment ever, in the history of her life, which occurred this week. Marie, our new friend from France read a poem of Ben Ditmars and we find out why you should always follow the instructions on the bottle of Veet men’s hair removal cream. Join the girls who love to laugh.

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What if Twitter Were ‘Real’ Life?

Twitter. I love Twitter but it’s only as good as the people frequenting it. After an automated DM tonight from a person I followed, who hasn’t yet followed me, I decided to vent (although I’m giggling too). Some of the scenarios on Twitter are annoying but would be even worse if it were equated to something that could happen in our physical ‘real’ lives.

The automatic DM came through straight after I followed this person (as they do) and it politely said “nice to meet you, blah, blah, blah” I responded with “Nice to meet you too” but my message was blocked because, of course, they weren’t following me so I couldn’t respond. How stupid. It made me feel like someone ‘special’, maybe a famous actor or singer, had yelled hello at me from across the street and when I went to answer, the minders surrounded me, their beefcake, black-clad arms pushing me away, shutting me down, “No talking to the celebrity. They can talk to you but you can’t talk to them. You’re not special enough. You’re a ‘follower’ they’re the ‘followee’. I would of course say “But, what…?” They would put their hand over my mouth and threaten to take me to the Justin Bieber concert that’s playing down the street, all while the celebrity in question walks away and says hello to the next unsuspecting follower.

The person who follows you. You follow back. They unfollow. This happens because people want to appear to be one of ‘the special ones’ heretofore knows as TSOs. They end up with a ridiculous follower/followee ratio. I weed these people out with justunfollow.com. Yes, I’m petty and I’m watching you; all of you. So don’t act like you’re better than me cause that just gives me the shits. The scenario, if played out in real life, would go something like this: there’s a large group of friends, they all take turns hosting a dinner. TSO turns up to all the dinners and drinks the most, vomits on your carpet, pisses on your toilet seat and goes home. When it’s their turn to host the dinner, a postcard turns up in your letterbox. It’s a photo of TSO, who’s waving from a camel while riding past some pyramid or other. Bastard.

People who aren’t even following you tweet you a “Hello, nice to meet you” with a link to their book attached. WTF? I don’t know you, I don’t give a shit about your book. I want to write this, and I also want to say piss off, but I don’t because I’m too polite. This is like being accosted in the street by someone asking for a donation or wanting to tell me about the end of the world while shoving some colourful brochure up my nose. While the paper is attacking my face like a swarm of moths looking for the nearest light bulb, I’m politely backing away while holding my hand up in a gesture of defeat. I smile and run. That’s what I’m doing to you on Twitter, I’m running away and you know how I said I’ll check out your book? I won’t.

Hmm, the alcohol’s wearing off now so I’d best go. Hmm, justunfollow.com here I come.

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Tweep Nation has a Casual Catchup with Susan May

Today for episode 38, Susan May, author, movie and book reviewer extraordinaire, gave us the lowdown on JK Rowling’s new book The Casual Vacancy. We also discussed which movies to see and which to avoid. Amber’s a bit sick so she was unusually quiet until she voiced her objection to doing ‘Days of the Week’—she sure expended some energy then. Susan’s a friendly Aussie who had us laughing, but don’t ever ask her to mind your pets ;). Please join us for the usual laughs and some unusual ones.

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