Tag Archives: silly

Red Alert! Red Alert! Where Are All the Spoons?

The last few weeks at home have been stressful at times. We (my husband and I) have noticed a diminishment of spoons on the premises. Our cutlery holder used to be overflowing with the curvy utensils, but not anymore. Whenever I want to eat yogurt, ice cream or soup, I have to pick one of the few we have left out of the dishwasher and wash it. So I’m going to attempt to answer two simple questions:

1. Where the hell do these spoons go, and;

2. Can I buy some more?

I have some theories on where the spoons go. I was sure one of our possums stole some to eat the bananas they’ve been stealing from us. Possums are neat eaters and quite civilised; they’ve worked out how to open my kitchen window, sneak in and steal my fruit. Another theory is that it’s winter, think soup-eating season, and other people in my neighbourhood have been losing their spoons to possums, so, when I’m out or sleeping, they sneak in and steal a spoon. The third theory, and no, this is not far-fetched, is that I’ve become so famous that fans are sneaking in and taking my spoons, later bragging to their friends that, “Oh my God! This has had Dionne Lister’s saliva on it. Can you imagine? Her saliva! Squeeee.”

Now that I’ve answered the first question, I will attempt to answer the second. You would think that you can buy many things from the supermarket, and, indeed, you would be right. Today I was at said supermarket, and my excitement built when I entered the aisle that said “Blah, blah, blah, COOKING UTENSILS”. I spied the utensil section down the other end.  I pushed my trolley (or cart for you Americans) as fast as I could (only knocking down two pensioners in my haste). Woohoo! I had made it, I was there! But wait. Oh no, oh no, this can’t be happening. Why me? This is what I saw:

IMG_1552

NOTE, people, there are forks, there are knives, there’s even a can opener, but where TF are the spoons? Is this an epidemic? Is it a government ploy to send us into the dark ages where not only do we have sub-standard education, we also have to eat ice cream from a cone and drink yogurt and soup from a cup? We will lose a skill, an important skill! Or maybe it’s the cup manufacturers wanting to increase sales, or  the possums went to the source and took over the spoon factory.

Evil, Thieving Possum

Evil, Thieving Possum

Whatever happened, this is now a national disaster! I urge you all to write to your local members and secure a shipment of spoons. Our future depends on it. In the mean time, if anyone would be so kind as to send me some spoons (big or small, I’m not picky), please email me and I’ll give you my address. Thanks :).

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Amber gets Clicky with Dionne & Michelle’s Blobs

Our uber awesome guest today was author, Michelle Franco. She has been a long-time Twitter friend of Amber & I and has appeared on Tweep Nation once before. Michelle writes zombie stories and has two books out, her latest is Where Will You Hide. She was very patient while Amber clicked her mouse like there was no tomorrow: I, on the other hand, was ready to send Amber to podcast heaven. She really knows how to push my buttons. Gee, how did I manage to write so many cliches into one blog post? It’s skill I suppose. Join the Tweep Nation podcast for hysterics, hysterectomies and histrionics and occasionally you may hear something intelligent between the swear words.

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Author Colin Chadwick Announces Dionne is a Genius & Amber Snorts

It was so cool on the Tweep Nation podcast today because we had fellow Aussie author Colin Chadwick. We chatted about his fantasy series and the first book Soulhunters, his vegetable garden, and my new alcohol habit. Listen to my tiny tantrum when Amber’s clicking drives me bat-shit. Find out what happened when Amber went to the post office. Gear up for some giggles because we are funny (if you haven’t already heard).

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Tweep Nation has a Casual Catchup with Susan May

Today for episode 38, Susan May, author, movie and book reviewer extraordinaire, gave us the lowdown on JK Rowling’s new book The Casual Vacancy. We also discussed which movies to see and which to avoid. Amber’s a bit sick so she was unusually quiet until she voiced her objection to doing ‘Days of the Week’—she sure expended some energy then. Susan’s a friendly Aussie who had us laughing, but don’t ever ask her to mind your pets ;). Please join us for the usual laughs and some unusual ones.

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Tweep Nation ep 36 – Drop Bears and Hippo Races Down Under

Wow! We’re up to episode 36. How did that happen? It’s just Ambie baby and I this week. Amber tells us a bit about her road trip and I say some silly stuff and make her laugh (unusual I know). Find out some of the weirdo things some foreigners think about Australia, the great land Down Under, and what is the unique skill Amber has when it comes to men? Hope you enjoy this week’s episode! If you don’t like to download off iTunes we are now located on Stitcher.

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Rayne Hall Brings out the Best in Amber & Dionne

 

Today, on episode 32 of Tweep Nation, we are joined by author, writing teacher and editor Rayne Hall. There are a couple of first for this show.

Number 1: Rayne is the first guest with a German accent and

Number 2: There was no swearing.

What? I hear you ask. No swearing. How could that be, it’s Amber and Dionne we’re talking about. Well, Rayne was so polite that we were too. Don’t let that stop you listening though, because we’re still all very interesting, especially when I reveal the extent to which my Alzheimer’s has progressed.

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Dionne & Amber lose their guest and find Dionne’s man voice

Our guest today went MIA. We hope he’s ok and you’ll have to forgive my impression of him but what else could we do? Maybe he’ll be brave enough to try another day. Amber and I ended up chatting, as usual, and we’d love it if you’d have a listen. Let’s face it—there’s no better way to beat boredom than to listen to Tweep Nation (well there are but let’s just pretend).

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