Tag Archives: possums

Red Alert! Red Alert! Where Are All the Spoons?

The last few weeks at home have been stressful at times. We (my husband and I) have noticed a diminishment of spoons on the premises. Our cutlery holder used to be overflowing with the curvy utensils, but not anymore. Whenever I want to eat yogurt, ice cream or soup, I have to pick one of the few we have left out of the dishwasher and wash it. So I’m going to attempt to answer two simple questions:

1. Where the hell do these spoons go, and;

2. Can I buy some more?

I have some theories on where the spoons go. I was sure one of our possums stole some to eat the bananas they’ve been stealing from us. Possums are neat eaters and quite civilised; they’ve worked out how to open my kitchen window, sneak in and steal my fruit. Another theory is that it’s winter, think soup-eating season, and other people in my neighbourhood have been losing their spoons to possums, so, when I’m out or sleeping, they sneak in and steal a spoon. The third theory, and no, this is not far-fetched, is that I’ve become so famous that fans are sneaking in and taking my spoons, later bragging to their friends that, “Oh my God! This has had Dionne Lister’s saliva on it. Can you imagine? Her saliva! Squeeee.”

Now that I’ve answered the first question, I will attempt to answer the second. You would think that you can buy many things from the supermarket, and, indeed, you would be right. Today I was at said supermarket, and my excitement built when I entered the aisle that said “Blah, blah, blah, COOKING UTENSILS”. I spied the utensil section down the other end.  I pushed my trolley (or cart for you Americans) as fast as I could (only knocking down two pensioners in my haste). Woohoo! I had made it, I was there! But wait. Oh no, oh no, this can’t be happening. Why me? This is what I saw:

IMG_1552

NOTE, people, there are forks, there are knives, there’s even a can opener, but where TF are the spoons? Is this an epidemic? Is it a government ploy to send us into the dark ages where not only do we have sub-standard education, we also have to eat ice cream from a cone and drink yogurt and soup from a cup? We will lose a skill, an important skill! Or maybe it’s the cup manufacturers wanting to increase sales, or  the possums went to the source and took over the spoon factory.

Evil, Thieving Possum

Evil, Thieving Possum

Whatever happened, this is now a national disaster! I urge you all to write to your local members and secure a shipment of spoons. Our future depends on it. In the mean time, if anyone would be so kind as to send me some spoons (big or small, I’m not picky), please email me and I’ll give you my address. Thanks :).

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Author Colin Chadwick Announces Dionne is a Genius & Amber Snorts

It was so cool on the Tweep Nation podcast today because we had fellow Aussie author Colin Chadwick. We chatted about his fantasy series and the first book Soulhunters, his vegetable garden, and my new alcohol habit. Listen to my tiny tantrum when Amber’s clicking drives me bat-shit. Find out what happened when Amber went to the post office. Gear up for some giggles because we are funny (if you haven’t already heard).

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